For the last day of 2017…

Been lacking a lot. Oh well, let’s say I am not in the mood for writing anything. Again, this will just be some very random thoughts of me for the last day of 2017. This will just be about some of the things I noticed from this year. So please don’t criticise if you find some of the points are really annoying and are full of “complaining” content. I just find this writing as a way for me to release all my stress. Hope you don’t mind.

  • Is it a good year in overall for me? I would just say so-so. Still end the year with full of regrets and even more doubts. Yet, I had certain achievements but tbh, bad feelings outweigh positive feelings so at the end still feel rubbish.
  • Well, let’s say achievements. What have I achieve? A master degree/ another part-time job/ more Europe destination travelling/ got through some interviews/ come back to Vietnam/ a full-time jobs/meet my (so-called) speacial friend/ been here and there (mostly on the airplaine also on multiple accommodation) most of the time/ meet my parents/ still alive for another year :))
  • But number 1: things I studied at university is still being left there for whenever I don’t know I can use them. Tbh, this year I felt really lost. Like seriously I had no clear direction of the things that I am supposed to do after I graduate. In addition, this is also my last year staying in the UK, and having been living there for like more than 5 years, the thought of leaving something that you are getting accustomed to got me chills to the bone. Do I feel sad when leaving there although I have been back in Vietnam for like three months now? YES. Ofcourse. I don’t know what words can explain it but deep down inside, I felt really terrible, it is like a part of your life, or to be more accurate, the life you have always wanted, has been taken from you, like abruptedly. It may sound silly to you, and given that you might think I should be happy coming back to my homecountry, well yes, I am happy. That is a definate thing. Who doesn’t want to live with your parents? They take care of you, provide you with shelters and food and many many things. They give it to you UNCONDITIONALLY. Yes! unconditionally. I still wish to be more independent. But being mature is really not an easy journey. I guess. I felt really lonely.
  • But number 2: I am still a very weak decision maker. Well, people say young people make mistakes all the time. I don’t know haha. But for this whole year, I felt like I didn’t make any right decision, from studying to relationship. Firstly, parents invest in their daughter studying a degree that I don’t even know when I can use them. Secondly, I am in relationship with a guy that is thousand miles away from me. All of those things fill my year full of uncertainty and nervousness. I always try to think positively in every worst situation, praying for some miracles to happen, praying for things will go as I want. But really, up until now the question lingers in my mind is still like “I really don’t know what else can I do to make my mentality turns out better?”.
  • Time did fly quickly since the time I started working.
  • I am glad that my parents are still healthy although sometimes I do wish them become more open to certain issue. But to be honest, they are really the best!
  • Starting (re-starting) a new life in Vietnam isn’t an easy task, even if this is my hometown. Sometimes I do think I was born in a wrong planet since I did feel I am excluded from normal people.
  • This is by far the year that I read lots of motivational quotes. Well, at least it does the function of making me feel better in a certain number of times.
  • In a certain time of this year, i got the feeling of doing the things that I want. But I do think I have karma for the last few months. Things aren’t go smoothly as you wish.
  • I have learnt that don’t be too nice to other people and expect something in return because all they gave you so far was disapointment. I am not the type of people who hold grudge, but when – the moment you feel like your good deed is being exploited, it made me lose my confidence. That is the worst thing that people ever did to other people.
  • I have learnt that everything is temporary. There is nothing called ‘forever’.
  • I have learnt to live and enjoy the moment. Since life only brings you few of them. And when those moments have happened and passed, it is really hard to get them back.
  • I have learnt that my health is way more important than any other things in the world. So really one of among many resolution next year would be attending gym regularly. I can do it in England then I can do it in Vietnam.
  • The suicide of a member of K-pop group that I used to like made me realise that it must be really worse living from day to day and keep getting stuck eventhough from outside, you see them really as successful people. You envy them. But behind the scene is the terrible pain that tears cannot describe. Everything is just death silence. When they tried to reach out asking for help, it turns out there is no helps, which is really terrible. I don’t understand why I really feel a deep concern for this topic. Part of me feel really sympathise. Or do I start to have the same problem?
  • I also learned that patience is the key to success.
  • And if  I have a child in the future, let’s just make them know to fix every household appliances in the house rather than studying for some kinds of things like business.
  • Well, for all the things that have passed in 2017, just one thing to say is that I am grateful for everybody that sticks with me and supports me through all my imperfections. 2018 will definately still be a year of savings, accumulate experiences and another year of being patience for everything that I will soon embark on. I just hope everybody will welcome a new year eagerly  😀 I am ready to move on and always looking forwards to new challenges. How about you ???
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